Interview with Jami Fosgate

1. What initially drew you to mediation, and how has your relationship with the work evolved over your career?

I wanted to become a lawyer to help people, to help families going through the upheaval of divorce. When I began practicing, I realized the adversarial nature of ‘divorce court’ did not satisfy my desire to help people as the legal system often creates more conflict than it resolves. Pivoting my family law practice away from litigation and contested divorces cases to mediation and collaborative law was a much better fit for utilizing my legal education. Over the years, I have come to realize that clients are very resourceful at creating solutions for their situation, which has enabled me to share those options and ideas when other couples get stuck in impasse and could benefit from knowing what has worked for others.

2. What skill/practice from outside of mediation has most shaped the way you work as a neutral or what skill/practice as a neutral has made its way into your lifestyle?

My own life experience has shaped my work as a neutral. When I got divorced, I was not an attorney, no one in my family was an attorney, no one in my family had been divorced, I had never been involved in a legal proceeding, I had never been in a courtroom, so I was a bit lost. After my divorce, although I was a single mom with two young children, I decided to go to law school, part-time, in the evening with the goal of becoming an attorney to guide others who were lost in the maze of divorce. My journey through my own divorce enables me to connect with the couples I mediate with as I was once in their shoes. I understand their concerns and fears and stress, and I can take some of the mystery out of the process.

My work as a mediator has influenced my own lifestyle as I try to always give someone the benefit of the doubt when their behavior is questionable and I make a point to listen and try to understand both sides of the situation.

3. When mediation is successful, what do you hope parties walk away with beyond an agreement?

When mediation is successful, especially for families with children, I hope the parents walk away with better co-parenting skills. The parents may not love each other anymore, and they may not like each other well enough to remain friends, but at least they can be civil and behave in ways that will benefit their children in the long run.

4. What is one thing parties or counsel can do that meaningfully improves the mediation process?

Be prepared. For couples who are divorcing, it is important to bring the required financial information and documents so that mediation will be productive and the session does not have to adjourn because relevant information is missing. Also be prepared to give-and-take as divorce mediation is not set up for you to ‘win’ and the other person to ‘lose’ – it is a cost-effective means to conserve more of your assets for your future and avoid the high costs, long delays, and stressful nature of litigating in court.

5. If mediation had a soundtrack, what song best represents your approach?

The Beatles “We Can Work It Out”